I still feel bad for the hurt I caused, and I have, on occasion, missed his kindness, but I remain convinced that our marriage would have grown biter and miserable. I knew I would grow impatient with him, so I left. He was a kind, supportive man but not an observant or reflective one. The fact we weren’t right for each other didn’t emerge straight away because we had a long-distance courtship and marriage, but the more time we spent in the same city the less we had to talk about. Friends and activities can never fill the void left by the loss of a long-term partner. Even if I found someone else, age would realistically preclude being able to build that kind of relationship again. I miss the companionship, the financial independence (the joint business went too) and I have to say I also miss the lack of intimacy. I was traded in for a younger model, so I had no choice about getting divorced, but I regret what happened every day in every way. ‘The loss of companionship and intimacy is hard’ He made our household an awful place while he tried hard to play out his fantasies of “having it all”.
My ex was not happy for the last decade, at least, of our marriage.
I feel now that I can be happy every day. I will never forgive him for lying to me but it has been three years since the divorce was final and I try to be civil when I see him. Only then did I discover he’d been seeing his first wife. Finally, I left him and then I filed for divorce. He was behaving as if he didn’t want to be with me, arguing with me and our son all the time. My ex-husband of over 30 years started acting differently. ‘Now I can finally be happy – but I can’t forgive the lies’ We were very lucky in that we could sell one house and buy two smaller ones with the proceeds. It’s heartbreaking when people going through a divorce use their children to conduct a revenge campaign. Ordinarily I would have washed my hands of her but as it was I had to swallow my prideto preserve my relationship with him. When I got divorced from my wife the hardest part was maintaining contact in order to raise our son. ‘The hardest part was maintaining contact to raise our son’ I realise now we had a brilliant (not perfect, but brilliant) marriage. Perhaps one day, when his kids are grown up, we might be able to have another shot at happiness.
By the time I realised I’d made a terrible mistake (about six months later) my ex-husband had already met the woman who would become his second wife. We see each other occasionally for lunch, but these meetings don’t go further than us declaring our love for each other. My ex and I are still in love, but he is unhappily remarried now with a new family and he doesn’t want to leave his kids. I realise now we had a brilliant (not perfect, but brilliant) marriage I have never found anyone I loved nearly as much as my ex-husband it taught me the grass is definitely not greener on the other side. It didn’t work out with the other man and I have bitterly regretted it ever since (over 10 years ago now). I fell in love with another man, and didn’t want to have an affair, so I left my husband. ‘I never found anyone I loved as much as my ex-husband’
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